Why People Hate

Why do People Hate?

Hate comes from fear, anger and the belief you or your group has suffered a terrible injustice.  If you believe there’s a conspiracy going on and a certain group has it out for you, it awakens inside you the capacity to hate.

After all, the human brain can be trained.  It can be trained to be kind and caring; it can be trained to hate.  You may remember the song from South Pacific: 

You've got to be taught to hate and fear,

You've got to be taught from year to year,

It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear

You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught to be afraid

Of people whose eyes are oddly made,

And people whose skin is a different shade,

You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught before it's too late,

Before you are six or seven or eight,

To hate all the people your relatives hate,

You've got to be carefully taught!

When all is said and done, hate is a faith.  Hate comes from believing that the people you hate deserve to be hated.  Unlike prejudice and racism, hatred cannot be eliminated by education alone. Bret Stephens says, “Fear is often a function of unfamiliarity.”  When we are unfamiliar with a group, we tend to stereotype that group.

But. fear and hate can be trained out of you by experience. You meet someone from the hated group and discover they are not as dangerous as you were led to believe.  By the way, one of the reasons I teach where I do is so students can meet and experience somebody Jewish and see with their own eyes, Jews are people, human beings, who do not deserve to be hated.  

Wherever you live, do what you can do to stop the hate.

All Beginnings are Hard

It's that time again.  Chaim Potok wrote, “all beginnings are hard.”  Such is the rhythm for those of us who teach.  September means beginning again.  I have walked through this beginning many times.  You would think I would have it down by now.  But there is still a nervous fearful anxious feeling in the pit of my brain, a sense that the wonderful exciting dread time is once again upon us.  Soon, I will have to stand up and talk.

And I am asking myself, what makes for such stress and nervousness?  Is it fear of failure?  Is it fear that I have lost my touch?  Do I wonder if I am getting too old to do this anymore?  Do I wonder if it is fair and right for someone who was Christian and now Jewish to teach Christians about their tradition?  I suppose all of those are factors.  But, I sense it’s something more.

The fact is I love to teach religion.  But teaching religion is not easy.  It’s not just a matter of getting up and talking or sharing information. This is necessary and this I will do.  Teaching religion is teaching young people to think about their faith.  And this kind of thinking is hard work.  Let’s face it: When it comes to religion, many people have not been trained to think. They have been trained to believe.   

And when I stare into their young and mostly innocent eyes, it scares me to have to tell them: God, Jesus, the Bible and religion are a bit more complicated then they might have thought.  My goal is not to hurt their faith but to deepen it.  I do not teach for the tradition, nor against the tradition, but within the tradition.  So, deepening the faith of students involves telling them some things they may not want to hear such as:  The Bible was not dictated by God to the writers.  Adam and Eve were not real people though their story is true.  The notion that everything happens for a reason has some problems.  Not all Christians believe Jesus died for our sins.  Sometimes the best way to express your faith is to hurl questions at the deity.  Judaism and Islam have millions of followers, who believe Christianity is wrong.   

To possess a mature faith means to trust without being afraid of the questions. It also means to think that you could be wrong.

So, here we go again.  All beginnings are hard.  I am excited and apprehensive.  Despite that, I am committed to the notion that a religious person who is not afraid to think and has his or her eyes wide open is closer to the truth.  And wherever the truth is, that’s where God is as well.

Does Geography Matter?

We have moved and are settled in a new apartment. It is very nice.  During our lives, we move in and move out many times.  We keep hoping each move will make us happier, change our perspective, give us a different view of the world, and alter our very personalities.  Moving to a new place is exciting and stress producing.  But we keep on looking for that place, that promised land, where we will feel safe and at home.  Some of us find it easier than others.  But the quest goes on and on.  We never do arrive.

This is a constant theme in the Bible as well.  Having been promised a land, the Jewish people spend most of their time getting to the land, losing the land and trying to regain it.  Eventually they are kicked out of the land completely, go into a long wandering persecuted diaspora, and finally return to the promised land.  And today, in the place that was supposed to be safe and home, they find themselves surrounded by angry people who would prefer they not be there.  So it goes and goes and goes.

There is a truth to be had in all that Jewish wandering.  You will quest for the ideal cave to keep you safe and warm.  This is what we do.  We search for the perfect place, the perfect spouse, the perfect job and the perfect friends. 

But, wherever you live, life, with all its imperfections, keeps on happening.   And there are always things about which to complain. The morning paper was not delivered today.  There is no toilet paper holder.  The towel in the second bathroom is awkwardly hung.  The neighbors seem nosy.  One faucet is not working well. 

Life is a messy business with precious little perfection.  As our culture becomes efficient at fixing things, we expect everything to be easily and quickly fixed.  We expect doctors to fix all our ailments only to be disappointed to discover they too are imperfect.  More and more we expect more and more and are easily disappointed and discontented.  We live in the richest country in the world and it seems we are constantly complaining.  Our president promises to make us great again, richer, more prosperous, give us cheaper material things, and the list goes on and on.

So, what’s the deal?  Geography does matter.  Keep wandering and searching for that place.  But the deal is that life is and has always been ambiguous and imperfect.  If, wherever you live right now, you are happy fifty percent of the time. That’s pretty good.  Have a nice day and enjoy the moment.

P.S. The Blog is on break until September. Stay sane out there.

Can Christians Question God?

For as long as I have been teaching, I have encouraged my Christian students to embrace questioning the elusive and confusing mystery that is God. 

In Jewish tradition, questioning the justice and methodology of God is part of being faithful to the covenants God has made with the Jewish people.  If you believe in the promises, you hold on to your doubts and you raise your questions.

I remember a day when I asked a Lutheran seminary professor, why Christians were so reluctant to confront God concerning his unfulfilled promises.  He explained, whereas Jews were born into a tribe and could never stop being Jewish, Christians, through too many questions and doubts, could lose their faith.  He feared Christians could stop being Christian.  Christians, he asserted, who had been saved by the “amazing grace” of God could never feel as free as Jews to question their merciful God without feeling they were betraying the deity as well as their faith.

I suppose the real question is why are we asking questions or make accusations?  If we are not going to get an answer, what is the point of asking questions?  Jews, Christians and Muslims trust they have received promises from God.  When these promises are not fulfilled, questions and accusations are an honest attempt to exhort God to act like God.  Questioning and accusing God is not against faith.  It is an essential part of faith. 

And, by the way, questioning is quite biblical.  Of the 150 psalms in the bible, over a third are laments and complaints questioning the justice of God.  Jesus’ last words on the cross were a question rooted in those psalms and directed at God.  And the Lord’s prayer is a prayer full of imperatives exhorting God to act like God.

If you trust in the promises of God and they are not happening, the faithful act is not to close your eyes and believe blindly.  Blind faith is stupid faith.  I do not believe God gave us a mind and then wants us to turn it off when it comes to our religion.   

More than anything else prayers and liturgy give us a time and place to stand naked before God, to be honest and speak without pretense.  It’s true, we may not receive a response.  But, at least, we can say, we trusted in the promises and spoke the truth.

Can Christians question God?  As an honest expression of their faith, yes!  And, questioning God needs to be part of Christian, Jewish and Muslim public worship.  We need to train people to understand that faith and questions are not opposites.  Most people going about their daily lives may not have questions.  That’s fine.  But when craziness or absurd suffering happens to them and they experience the silence of God, they need to know about the intimate relation between questions and faith. 

Four Differences about Judaism

Judaism differs from Christianity and Islam in at least four ways.  Judaism is a tribal religion.  Judaism does not seek converts.  Judaism teaches what you do is more important that what you believe. And Judaism encourages questions and questioning God.

Tribal Religion:  There are two ways to be Jewish:  either your mother is Jewish or you can convert into the religion of Judaism. (Reform Jews allow for a person to be Jewish if his or her father is Jewish and the person was brought up to be Jewish)

Not Seeking Converts:  Jews are taught not to seek converts and to discourage someone from converting.  The tradition teaches: a person desiring to convert should be sent away three times.  And the conversion process is lengthy, arduous and requires you to observe Jewish rituals. 

What You Do:  While many Jews have faith in God, faith is not a requirement for being Jewish.  There are many secular Jews who are proud of being Jewish.  There are many ways to be Jewish.  Honoring the rituals of the tradition and caring for the stranger are more important that believing.  In other words, Jewish tradition teaches God is more concerned about what you do then whether you believe.

Questions:  Jewish tradition encourages questioning of the scriptures, debating traditional interpretations, and most importantly, questioning the methodology of God. Questioning is a discipline at the heart of Jewish tradition and a covenantal obligation.

Nevertheless, I Persist

Here is the human dilemma.  We appear.  We are here.  Then, we disappear.  Is there any meaning to any of this?  Other than a few relatives and friends, does it matter that we exist for the time we are here?  How can our brains cope with all the suffering and evil we encounter in a lifetime?  Is there a God or is that something we made up and then conveniently forgot we did so?  If there is a God, is there any way we can understand how he, she, it operates in the world?  Given the absurdities of life, how should we live during the relatively brief time we are here?  Is there anything like an afterlife or do we just disappear, poof!?  As much as we try not to think about them, religious questions will not go away.

These questions persist because we have not been able to definitively answer them.  Each religion has its responses to the questions.  Over the years they each have developed sophisticated rationales and defenses created to deflect objections or doubts.  They assert what they assert with certainty but with precious little proof. 

But here is the thing, this is nothing new.  Religions have always been tentative vectors, glimpses, faith statements, creeds, hymns, prayers, hopes against hope, imaginations, mysteries, dim paradoxical visions along with questionable assertions and extrapolations.

Yet I remain a religious person because I trust there is something more going on than meets the eye.  I am aware that I could be wrong.  But, nevertheless, I persist.  I am haunted by these questions.  They will not let go of me, nor I of them.

We are all caught having to determine where we stand despite the fact there is no solid ground.  The stoics were right.  To live the way we have to live requires courage, self-control, equanimity and wisdom.  Keep working on those four, don’t give up on the religious questions, persist nevertheless.

The Man with the Feather Pillow

The Man and the Feather Pillow

There is a story in Jewish tradition about a man who loved to gossip.  He constantly spread rumors and salacious details about his neighbors. He enjoyed knowing secrets and sharing them.  In the process, he hurt many people.  One day, for whatever reason, he felt guilty for what he had done.  He went to his Rabbi and asked the Rabbi what he could to rectify his gossiping.  The Rabbi said, “Go and get a feather pillow.”  The man went and found a feather pillow.  Then the Rabbi said, “Go to the tallest building you can find, rip open the pillow and let the feathers fly.”  The man did so. He returned to Rabbi who told him, “Now go and retrieve every feather.”  The rabbi explained, “This is how hard it will be to repair all the gossip you have shared.”

I have a friend who loves to gossip.  And even though I try not to gossip, I seem to be quite open to hearing what he knows.  All of us potentially play our roles.

In Jewish tradition, gossip is considered an act of robbery.  You are robbing another person of their reputation.  When you gossip you are not just sharing information with someone else.  You are hurting three people.  You hurt the person you are gossiping about; you hurt yourself by becoming a gossip; you hurt the person to whom you are gossiping by making them an accomplice to gossip.

In Judaism talking about another person behind his or her back is only permitted if the discussion centers on how to help someone in trouble.  While some gossiping can be harmless and frivolous, many times, intentionally or not, it ends up causing injury.

What makes gossip so attractive?  We feel powerful and important to have information unavailable to anyone else.  And we love the attention we get when we share what we know.  We especially enjoy gossiping about the wealthy and powerful in our communities because it convinces us that they are just as human as we are. 

And one more thing:  You know when you tell someone something juicy and you say, “Don’t tell anyone.”  Do not assume that what you say will be kept in confidence.  People forget where they heard what they heard. And they may also enjoy spreading the news to their own confidants.

Here is the truth.  We have the capacity to help and hurt each other every day.  So, the next time you feel like gossiping or someone is sharing gossip with you, think of the man and the feather pillow.