Jewish Neurosis

Being Jewish is neurotic.  It involves anxiety, worry and fear.   It is something you want to run away from and something you can’t help but embrace, all at the same time.  During all the years I spent inside the Christian Church, I was constantly reminded by Christians that I was different, I was Jewish.  People wanted to hear my story.  How had a Jew from New York wandered into the Christian Lutheran community of the upper Midwest?  And as I have said on many occasions, ‘the longer I hung around with Lutherans, the more Jewish I became.”

Having run away so far from my community, it took me many years to find my way back.  Now, I am home, and I wear a skullcap every day, I suspect, out of guilt but also to remind myself never to forget who I am.

Given my rather odd journey, I am compelled to reflect on what it means to be Jewish.  First, it means you are part of a tribe or community that has had a tumultuous, terrifying and tenacious history.  It is a community that has been dispersed throughout the world and yet prevails.  Despite the contested establishment of the State of Israel seventy years ago, Jews can be found in any city in the world.  Second, because of our history, we have painfully learned there are people who do not trust “Jews” and we know this distrust and hatred will not stop.  Thirdly, we can be outspoken and passionately care about justice and living as people of character.  It does not mean we are always right and it does not mean all Jews are wonderful human beings.  Like any community we have our share of outliers.  But, as a community, most of us care about living as a “mensch”, a person of character. 

Fourthly, whether we are religious or not, we are encircled by the power of the Torah, that set of divine instructions intended to teach us what it means to live well, and not in chaos.  The Torah, the word means teaching, while interpreted in a variety of ways, is the pedagogical center of Jewish life.  In the land of Israel today, where there are many staunchly religious, and many so called secular or non-religious Jews, every Friday night and Saturday, the Sabbath is celebrated throughout the country.  The Torah is the Jewish tree of life.

And fifth, the Jewish community is a community of questions.  Jews love to argue with each other about who is really Jewish.  They argue with God over his silence during those days.  Because they believe in God they must argue and question his ways.   And, they argue with the world over its silence when Jews are victimized.  I suspect these arguments will be ongoing and signal how important it is to know what it means to be a Jew.  And, as you might expect there are many ways to be Jewish and not everybody gets along.

Sixthly, for some Jews, God is at the center of their existence.  For some, God is a puzzle and for some God does not exist.  Know this: You do not have to believe in God to be Jewish.  And Jews do not think God is Jewish.  God is God.  And you do not have to be Jewish to be in relation with God.

Finally, and this seventh element is rooted in our history and fuels the neurosis:  most Jews are desperate to belong but determined to be different.  Trying to live within this difficult tension in whatever culture we reside, causes some Jews to get lost and wander far from their community. 

I am amazed and yet understand how I allowed myself to wander away from such a distinctive, odd, sometimes crazy, quirky, holy community.  As I look back on all those years, I knew I was Jewish all along and never really forgot.   It is good to be home again despite and because of the neuroses.