Having entered my seventh decade, I think about what it all means. While the human brain is amazingly agile, it has problems with mortality. I know intellectually that getting older and eventually dying is part of life. But my brain is not at home with that reality. Maybe I fear the process of deterioration, the thought of saying good-bye, and let’s be honest, disappearing is a strange phenomenon. Intellectually I understand it but emotionally I fear it.
There is an old word used by theologians called prolepsis. A future event holds us in its grip for good or for bad though it has not yet occurred. Christians tell us of their hope that when we die, we shall be raised to live with God eternally. Jews talk about the “olam haba”, the world to come, where we shall live with God and study texts in that realm. And Muslims also trust in a life after life where the way we have lived our lives will be examined. So, why are these words not comforting?
Because I am not sure I believe it. Is there really something else going on? I hope so but I am not sure. Some of you have more certainty or stronger trust than I do.
But, here’s the deal. Every night I lay down, let go, and disappear for about eight hours and the world seems to get along quite well without me. When I go on sabbatical from the university, they keep right on teaching Religion without me. And if or when I become seriously ill, how would that be different from what happens to everybody else? The fact is, we are engaged in “perpetual loss” and we are compelled to figure out how to keep going day after day.
This fear of getting sick and dying is sobering and real. We all feel it. But I do not intend to let it control me. We are here to live our lives as well as possible. I say to you and myself, be honest, express your fears and doubts but don’t let them run your life. Live your life as well and full as you can and, life after life will take care of itself.
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