For almost thirty years, I was a Christian. In the year 2000, I, a child of Holocaust
survivors, left the Christian Church and returned to the Jewish tradition. During my time in the Church, I was a pastor
and theologian. But, a strange thing happened. The longer I hung around Christians,
the more Jewish I became. In the year 2000, I returned to myself and my community.
Living inside the
Christian community, I learned many things.
Here are just a few.
First and foremost, I learned the importance of the word
grace. For many Christians, the word
“grace” refers to the unmerited love of God.
For Jews, the word, “grace” is usually understood through the Hebrew word
hesed, meaning, “loving kindness” and refers to God’s kindness in giving the
Jewish people, God’s Torah or teaching.
Both Jewish and Christian uses of the word “grace” assert their common
hope and faith that there is a God and this God is for human beings and not
against them.
I learned about something called “a theology of the
cross.” This theology looks at the event
of Jesus being killed and asserts the presence of God despite the apparent absence
of God in that event and paradigmatically in all our lives. While
I have problems with talk of salvation coming through cruelty and death, I can appreciate
a theology which proclaims, “when God appears to be absent, that is precisely
when God is present.” For thousands of years many Jews have trusted in God
despite, in spite and to spite all that has happened to them. A theology of the cross contains an honest
realization: Despite Jesus, the world
remains a dangerous place. The power of
faith in the hidden and revealed God exhibited in the cross of Jesus is central
and important to many Christians.
Though, I must admit, that such a faith or theology, as far as I can see, did not work during
the Holocaust, a time and place where many Christians were not Christian, God
was not God and the world went mad.
I also learned, there
are a variety of ways to be Christian. There seems to be no lack of Christians
willing to argue with other Christians about who’s legitimately Christian. And, no surprise, this is also true among
Jews. The seductive belief that you or your group
possesses theological and moral certainty is indeed tempting. The Christian notion of original sin however,
when it is working well, provides an antidote.
It urges people to have humility and admit they know, they do not know.
To paraphrase Michael Lewis, in his book, The Undoing Project, a true
theologian is “a person who knows his own mind well enough to mistrust
it.” And this is and ought to be true
for Jews, Christians, for believers and unbelievers!
I learned there are
many Christians ignorant concerning Jews, Judaism and the Jewish roots of
Christian faith. Perhaps this is different in other parts of the Church. My view is, after all, limited to the upper Midwest
and its Lutheran contingent. But I have
also met and continue to meet Christians who respect the Jewish religion and
tradition. I meet Christians who are
aware of the long history of anti-Judaism and persecution of Jews by
Christians. And I have many students who
try to study the Holocaust with me. The
schism between Jews and Christians is going through a slow healing process. We have come so far and we have so far to go. Let us continue.
When it became clear to me that I could no longer run away
from myself and my community, I had to leave the Church. I knew I had to be Jewish to remain sane and alive.
There were Christian friends who encouraged me to keep teaching at the college/
university and so I have done. They
understood why I had to depart. They do so to this day. I have great affection
for each of them.
Finally, I learned, irrevocably and inextricably, I am a
Jew. To continue to be a Christian was
the equivalent of committing theological and existential suicide. Those were painful years full of internal
struggle and not much sleep. But I have come to the other side. My journey has not been in vain. I have come to respect Christian tradition
and to respectfully disagree with that tradition.
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